Is Santa’s Naughty List The Ultimate Parenting Hack?

It’s that time of year when parents worldwide rely on the carrot and the stick (at the same time) to keep their kids in line. And Santa Claus gets all the blame. When younger kids are “naughty,” most parents resort to threats (lumps of coal) or bribes (a new bike) in a bid to keep them in line. Those are the results of a new national poll out of the University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital.

Pollsters interviewed parents of young children (ranging from 1 to 5 years old), and uncovered some insights into the challenges and approaches to child discipline.

The poll revealed that preschool parents – three to five-year-olds – are most likely to turn to threats. A quarter of them admitted to suggesting Santa might skip their house. Or that he might hold on to some gifts because they were out of line.

Many parents also owned up to other, smaller threats through the year – like withholding dessert – while almost half of the parents relied on bribes to manage their child’s conduct.

“Discipline helps young children learn what behaviors are safe and appropriate and can play a crucial role in helping them distinguish right from wrong,” poll co-director Dr. Susan Woolford, MD, explained. “However, empty threats undermine trust and credibility and are rarely effective. Positive reinforcement and consistent discipline are more likely to shape long-term behavior.”

Consistency is Crucial

It probably comes as no surprise, but about half of the parents polled considered themselves  “very consistent” about discipline. The other half admitted to struggles with staying consistent.

The challenges that most parents shared included:

• They thought their child was too young to understand.
• Their approach to discipline wasn’t working.
• Trouble managing public tantrums.

Nearly a quarter of parents admitted to responding (too) impulsively to their kids’ behavior. They blamed it on mounting annoyance with their child, forgetting how they meant to discipline, or simply being too exhausted to do what they planned to.

“Consistency is crucial but can be difficult to achieve without planning,” Woolford added. “Parents should strive to align on discipline strategies to create clear expectations and prevent sending mixed signals about boundaries.”

Mixed Results with Discipline Strategies

The poll also revealed that many parents aren’t sure their discipline methods work at all. Less than half of them thought their approach was “very effective.”

To compensate, parents typically looked just about everywhere for help: from friends to books and magazines to social media outlets.

Oddly enough, the pollsters found that less than 20 percent of those surveyed talked to their primary care provider about discipline. Worse, 12 percent admitted they hadn’t considered their approach to discipline at all.

But maybe the most unsettling part of the survey revealed that a persistent subset of parents still rely on corporal punishment at home – despite evidence that suggests it could lead to increased defiance and aggression in their kids.

“Parents should avoid tactics that yield short-term compliance but have negative long-term effects,” Woolford pointed out. “Strategies should be age-appropriate and tailored to the child’s developmental stage.”

Handling the Youngest Kids

For the toddlers – from 12 to 24 months – distraction and redirection work best. And by the time they turn 3, kids start to understand the consequences of their actions.

Preschool parents were among those most likely to use warnings, firm communication, and timeouts. Woolford emphasized the importance of logical consequences — for instance, having a child clean up a mess they created rather than imposing unrelated punishments.

“Consequences should be immediate so the child connects their behavior with the outcome,” she noted. “Parents should remain flexible and adapt their strategies as their children grow and respond differently to discipline.”

Regardless of which approaches work best, parents will almost certainly continue to us Santa as a scapegoat.

Further Reading

Depression, Rumination, and Suicide Attempts in Adolescents With Mood Disorders

Adverse Childhood Events and Emotional Intelligence

Outcome Predictors in Youth With Mental Disorders